Steve Burnham Tribute

Steve Burnham was many things to many people. He was warm, strong, helpful, kind, firm, funny, and quite a story teller. You always knew that you were in for a treat if you had the opportunity of spending any time with Steve. The fun of a coming story was signaled by certain body language that prepared you for the next episode of the Steve Burnham saga.

Just a few days before Steve’s death Dave Dewar and I made a visit on him in the hospital. As we chatted, Steve began to tell us a story. He was on a lot of pain medication that day and he talked very quietly and very slowly. So slowly in fact that there were several gaps of two to three minutes in his conversation. A couple of times Dave and I almost got up and left, thinking that he was sleeping. But the funny thing is that he would wake up and continue the story where he had left off. He loved to tell a good story. To me he was fascinating.

Another interesting feature of Steve’s life was that he loved to serve the Lord by going on missions trips. He would use his construction skills to help in many aspects of building on the field.

I was with him on a few of those trips as well as on the receiving end of his benevolence in Brazil as he came to help us. With Steve’s story telling in mind Janet wanted this celebration of his home going to be a time of remembering the fun, love, and joy that Steve brought to us by his very event filled life. On one of my trips with Steve, as we made our way from Michigan to the Bill Rice Ranch in Williams, Arizona about five years ago, we had an opportunity of swapping a few good stories.

Off the top of my head I quickly came up with eleven of them. There are many more that I am going to write down for my own future enjoyment. However, time won’t allow me to share all of these with you this afternoon. If you are interested in reading the rest of what I have written down I have posted them to a blog and will have that address for all who would like it.

The Bread-stick
It seems that one evening while on patrol Steve was eating a Little Caesar’s bread-stick. It was apparently an old one because it was a tad stale. Steve was just south of Oxford and heading south on M24. Because the bread-stick was so tough he decided to have some fun with it. He saw what looked like a bum walking alongside the road. Steve took aim and whipped the remainder of the stick out the window.

Steve was an expert marksman, even with bread-sticks! He smacked a hitch hiker in the back of the head with that projectile. He nearly knocked the man off his feet!

Steve immediately stomped on the gas pedal made a U-turn and headed north. As he neared Davison Lake Road he got a call on his police radio, “Car 54 (or however the dispatcher says it) we have just received a call from an irate pedestrian who says that an officer threw a bread-stick out of his patrol car and hit him in the back of the head please respond.”

Steve calmly responded, “I don’t know anything about it. I’m up here near Davison Lake Road.”

Murder Investigation
Another story that always left me laughing involved Steve and his partner Jim Flores. One evening Steve and Jim were called to respond to a incident in north Oxford. Someone had broken into a house, shot the owner and apparently stolen several guns. As Steve and Jim approached the home they came in with headlights out. Because they thought that the criminal was probably still on the property. They went in very slowly.

It was hilarious to watch Steve explain how that he and Jim had to exercise their special breathing techniques. They went back to back with guns drawn in the pitch dark of north Oxford as they crept around the property looking for the suspect. After what seemed like an eternity creeping stealthily and without a sound, there was a sudden explosion between Steve and Jim that nearly caused them to shoot each other. Unknowingly they had backed up next to the horse pen where, at just that instance, a horse had let out a humongous snort! They never did catch the crook that night.

Get Out of The Car!
One day Steve pulled an elderly lady over on M24 near McDonald’s. As he approached her Cadillac he didn’t expect any trouble because he could see that she looked like a nice little old lady. However, as he asked her several questions about her speed and her documents she became irate. In the quickly deteriorating conversation he asked the lady to get out of her car. She stubbornly refused. He asked her again with a bit more urgency in his voice. She again refused. He finally said, “YOU GET OUT OF THAT CAR RIGHT NOW!” As he did he reached through the car window and grabbed her by the hair yanking with all of his might. All of a sudden, there he stood in the middle of M24, with a gray wig in his hand!

Customs Inspection
Then there was the time that Steve, another officer, and the chief of police were headed over to Ontario for a pistol and firearms demonstration. As they made the journey in the patrol car the Chief fell asleep in the backseat. Steve decided to surprise his boss with a special Canadian greeting. He somehow got in touch with the Customs Officials on the Canadian side of the Ambassador bridge. He told them that they were coming in an unmarked car and that they were heading to a special meeting with officers of the province. He explained how that they had several firearms and a lot of ammunition.

As they approached the inspection station both Steve and his partner exploded from the car screaming something about weapons and running off. The chief was left scrambling for the floor as visions of prison danced in his groggy brain!

Crack Shot
As many of you know Steve was one of the country’s top marksmen with any type of firearm. He took great pleasure in every facet of ammunition, guns and marksmanship. One day he was with a group of men who decided to challenge his accuracy. They pointed to a pigeon about a 100 yards away and said, “If you are so good hit that pigeon over there.”

Steve slowly and steadily raised his gun and popped off one round. A split second later the bird fell over. The group stood in awe and in a collective gasp praised Steve for his ability to hit that distant and small target. It was then that they received an even bigger surprise when Steve said, “I didn’t hit that bird.” “What?” the group chided. “I didn’t hit that bird.” They replied, “What do you mean you didn’t hit that bird we just saw you shoot and the bird fell over! What do you mean you didn’t hit it?” Steve explained, “When my round passed that bird it was so close to the bird’s head that the sonic boom simply knocked it out!”

The men all began to laugh their heads off thinking that Steve was joking. Their laughter echoed into the distance as the bird sprang back to life and flew away!

I Killed a Cop
I will never forget this story. Steve belly laughed as he told it. He was patrolling Lakeville Road and had pulled over a speeder. As he went back to the patrol car to write the ticket it began to snow. The flakes were huge as he described them. He got into the car and began to write out the infraction when all of a sudden his car was rear ended. He fumbled for his radio and immediately called for help.

An EMT unit was dispatched to the scene. As they extracted Steve from his car they gingerly placed his huge frame on a stretcher. As he laid there the snow flakes began to blanket his exposed face. He asked one of the EMTs if he would cover his head with the sheet.

That done almost immediately, in the distance, Steve heard a bloodcurdling scream from the young man who had rear-ended his patrol car, “O NO I KILLED A COP!!!!!!!!”

Super Glue
Oxford has no shortage of interesting characters. One of them was making a pest of himself and Steve was called to the scene to help the man make some important decisions about his life’s direction. As he approached, the man he was standing on the corner of North Washington and West Burdick with a large flour sack on his head and upper torso. Steve thought that he knew the subject but because of police protocol asked his name. The guy refused any information. Again Steve asked for the man’s cooperation. He got none. Finally Steve cuffed the individual and took him to the station.

The man was no more cooperative there than he had been on the street corner. The situation called for drastic measures. Stepping into the interrogation room with what looked like a tube of glue in his hands Steve began the questioning. “Tell us your name”, no answer. “Tell us your NAME!” Again no answer! “If you don’t tell us your name we are going to have to glue you to the wall!” The guy became wide eyed but still uncooperative.

It was then that Steve jumped up grabbed him and began to furiously smear the gooey substance on the man’s palms. He hoisted the guy up and crammed his hands to the wall. “TELL US YOUR NAME!”

Screaming his out his name Steve let the guy drop. The guy hit the cold floor like a sack of potatoes. He then realized that the goo Steve had smeared on his palms was Vaseline and not glue!

Freeze! It’s the Cops!
Jim and Jan, friends of Steve noticed that three lady friends from church were getting ready to TP their house. Some how Jan knew that Steve was on duty and was at the Heckle and Jeckle Party Store on North Washington. A quick call explained their dilemma and Steve knew exactly what to do. Burning rubber he burst on the scene to catch the perpetrators in the act. Of course his arrival was embellished with all of the trappings of a full fledged drug raid, flashing lights, loud speaker, and siren. As he jumped from his car and screamed, “Freeze” one of the ladies ran screaming, “DON’T SHOOT me in the back!” One of the others nearly fainted and the third literally wet her pants! It was classic Steve.

Frozen to the Ground
Steve received an urgent call to downtown Oxford where there was an individual passed out half in and half out of an apartment door. It was a bitter cold day with temperatures in the single digits. As Steve approached the victim he noticed that he appeared to be frozen to the ground by a thick brown ooze that was seeping from his dingy trousers. Quickly assessing the situation and his options he knew that there was NO WAY that HE was going to dirty his fingernails by trying to pry this frozen fugitive from his sticky situation.

With a chuckle he quickly radioed the EMTs. They arrived on the scene and also rejected the idea of prying this character from the frozen slab. However, after some persuasion they began the grim task only to find that the poor fellow had simply passed out on top of a burrito that he’d been eating!

Drug Deal
While on one of Steve’s Brazil mission trips with pastor Moreno and a team from First Baptist Church of Lake Orion pastor Moreno strained his back. He had been laying block for hours and the pain became unbareable. Steve, with his vast knowledge of pain medication, knew exactly what to prescribe. He gave pastor a Vicodin.

The problem was that Steve gave pastor one or two of his own pills which were clearly not meant for a man of pastor’s stature. Within minutes pastor became so groggy that he fell asleep. The problem was that pastor was suspended about 20 feet from the ground on a 2×8 board. It took pastor 24 hours to recover from Doctor Steve’s prescription.

Flesh Being Ripped from the Bone!
On one of his mission trips to the Dominican Republic Steve and Jan were accompanied by pastor Stiekes, his wife Judy and their youngest son Geoff. As the week wore on and the heat began to sap the enthusiasm from the team Geoff became a 10 year old pain in the neck. He just would NOT leave Steve alone. That was a BIG mistake.

In Steve’s words, “Mike I told him, ‘Geoff I am going to pay you back in a way that you will never forget. It will haunt you for the rest of your life. You will loath the day that you were born if you don’t leave me alone!’” Geoff didn’t take the hint.

Side note: In the Dominican Republic they have some of the biggest spiders that I have ever seen. I took  a picture of one next to my work boot and it is nearly as big as my foot!

Steve saw his chance for revenge one evening. On the compound where the team was staying there was a small structure that look roughly like a port-a-potty. The box had a small foot square opening about 5 feet from the ground and plumbing for taking a shower. One by one the team members would enter the claustrophobic space to cleanse the days sweat and grime from their tired bodies. At this particular moment Geoff was in that cubical. Do you hear the “Twilight Zone” music starting to play in the background?

Steve had picked up a souvenir from a local store. It was a Coke can cut as a little wind ornament. It had 50 or 60 little strips of aluminum protruding strangely like spider legs. That night, however, the victim would never see those tiny twisted legs because Steve hit the lights just before gently tossing it through the steamy opening where it would brush Geoff’s naked body.

His commentary on the ensuing commotion was classic Steve, “Mike, the sound that came from that stall was not human! It was such a high pitched scream that it sounded as if someone’s flesh was being ripped from their bone! It was a beautiful thing! And for the rest of the trip Geoff messed with no one!”

Steve’s Testimony
What is the first thing that you think of when I mention the name Steve Burnham? That name will bring a different picture to each of our minds. We all would have a different story to tell about our relationship with Steve and most of us would admit that our bond was surrounded by laughter and love. That mountain of a man had a lot of both to share and we were all impacted by those two strong emotions.

I vaguely remember Steve from our high school days in the late 60s and early 70s. He was the class clown and I was quiet. We were in different worlds. After graduation I lost track of him for a number of years. Our paths rarely crossed.

It wasn’t until the early 90s that our lives and souls would be unified in a bond that would never end. He had been to our church a lot in his childhood but had drifted away during high school. He would make his obligatory visit from time to time but his heart was not in it. It was more a compulsion to please mom than a commitment to God.

But one Sunday morning was different. I was leaving church after the service and nearly passed him by without saying a word. But, he didn’t let me that morning! In fact I was surprised at the tone of his voice and the way he was talking to ME, a person that he had never really ever paid attention to.

“MIKE” he nearly screamed, “do you know what has happened to me?!” WHAT? I replied half scared to ask? Without waiting for my reply he burst into conversation. “I have asked Jesus Christ to be my Savior… I can’t believe that He could really love me! Can you imagine that. It is INCREDIBLE. God LOVES ME. MIKE I NEED TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME!!

God, Jesus, the Bible, and church, had suddenly become a priority in Steven Gorden Burnham’s life! Many of you know the story of how Steve came to know God, Jesus Christ, his Savior, in a personal way. If you never heard Steve tell it then you missed a real treat. He loved to tell that story. I actually heard the whole story on a trip to Brazil in 1994 with Steve. We were headed down to do some mission construction and we were driving over to catch a plane in Toronto for a nonstop flight to Sao Paulo.

I can remember it as if it were last week. As we approached the Blue Water Bridge into Ontario I asked Steve to share the story of his conversion with me. For the next four hours he talked, and he talked, and he talked, in his typical, Steve Burnham, story telling fashion. The incredible part for me was that it made those four hours fly by. It was the “shortest” trip to Toronto that I have ever made!

The gist of his story was that he had made a pact with God. Steve, because of his police work had gotten into a situation during an arrest that had put his job and life on the line. He was in a no win situation. He knew that he was going to go to jail and there was literally no way around that fact. Facing closing arguments in his trial the next morning, Steve got on his knees and begged God for mercy, by the way, that word means “to not get what one deserves.”

Steve had admitted to God that he had been running from Him for years. He admitted that he didn’t deserve any kindness or mercy from God. He told God that he was willing to face the judgment of the court in his case, even though he felt that he had been poorly represented by his attorney. But he also told God, “I will do anything that you want me to do, I will go anywhere you want me to go, my life is yours, what’s left of it, just please help me out of this terrible mess!

What happened the next day was a miracle and a major turning point in Steve’s life! In his words, “Mike, I entered that court room fully expecting to be crucified and sent to jail for a long time. God literally helped my attorney to present closing arguments in such a way that the expected verdict wasn’t even an option. My jaw literally hit the floor and I sat stunned as I listened to the very same attorney who yesterday had seemed so lost speak so eloquently today! You could have smacked me in the head with a 2×4 and knocked me over with a feather. I listened to that man and couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He was a completely different man. He made the other attorney look like a complete idiot! It was then and there that I knew that God had answered my prayer! And since that day I have dedicated my life to His service, wherever, whenever, and however, He decides to use me.”

This was the Steve Burnham story that that made the biggest impact on my life. I think that if Steve were here with us now he would want me to share exactly what I have just shared. He is my friend. I will see him again one day. Will you?

Richard Dobis contributed the following story.

The Jerky Connoisseurs
A few years ago I had the privilege of inviting both Steve (Gordy) and his brother Doug, to a pistol match. Exiting off of the I-75 ramp to get to the match, there was a sign JERKY OUTLET; both Steve and Doug said, “We’ll have to stop there after the match.”

After shooting I heard “Remember the Jerky store”. We stopped and in we went. Steve asked for a sample of the beef jerky and we all tried it. I bought a pound and the next thing I heard was “Can we sample some other types??” “Sure, any you want” was the reply. The next thing I knew, these two brothers were sampling alligator, ostrich, you name it.

“Oh this one has a slightly smokey flavor and this one is slightly reminiscent of….” I thought I was in the presence of a couple Jerky connoisseurs as they talked about the difference of texture and color and different type of smoking chips. To me it was all just dried meat!